Growing up in separate households with an 8-year age gap meant we didn't have to really share our toys that much, much less a bathroom on school-day mornings. But roughly every other weekend we shared a dad. Now, since his death thirteen years ago, we share memories and a little bit more.
One night during Christmas break College Dude called around 3 a.m. While it is perfectly logical in our house of four adults and six kids who can reach a doorknob that someone is bound to get locked out, the effects of a call at that hour are shared. Because that is how I found out about Dad. Cara and I share that memory, living out the line that "The difference between being someone that bad things happen to or not can change with one phone call." We both jumped out of our beds when College Dude called, meeting in the hallway in our jammies. I diffused her worry quickly as I scuffed to the door, letting in a grateful young man.
Dad's died of a heart attack. At work. On a job site near DC. None of us was near. We really didn't see it coming. He was 57.
So now we share his legacy. Two outspoken sisters that keep our husbands equally shaking, maybe even spinning their heads. If you really want to know where you stand, simply ask. We'll tell you. Hopefully in a nice way.
We also share his medical history. Years before his death, Dad participated in a research study regarding cholesterol. They LOVED him for his unique medical situation and they took care of him along the way. I wonder now if the cholesterol meds Cara and I take are the result of Dad's participation in that research. Now that she is here, I'm sure we'll share a cardiologist.
The Reading gene - must be from Dad. Our husbands marvel at the lack of household duties when there is a book to be read. We literally buried Dad with a Tom Clancy novel. It was in his hands, with his thumb in the middle of the book, like he was waiting for the funeral to be over so he could finish. One of the first activities Cara and I went to this year was a book club. We know it's in the genes, since there is more than a glimmer of it in all of our kids. My library card is on the kitchen wall, accessible to all who live here. It keeps busy with this crowd.
And the grief of losing a grandpa. Dad died when College Dude was 5, Son A was still toddling with a pacifier. Four remaining grands yet to be born. He would have really enjoyed all their personalities, -- the stubborn ones, the ones who consider the bookstore an afternoon activity, the one who would have reminded him of Cara. We share that loss and the wish that our children could have known Grandpa John, particularly as he grew more kind and sentimental in his last years. He had mellowed into an ideal grandpa, but . .
So perhaps we are making up for lost time. Finally sharing a ZIP code, and now sharing our toys in the kitchen, nurturing what ever live doll needs attention, encouraging each other in the workout room. We will also revel in the reading, fight heart disease and play nice, together.
