Choose Nice

I've heard it a couple times already. "I'd love to have my sister live near me, but we'd probably kill each other."  I'm happy to report that Cara and I are in agreement with the first part, but would never think to utter the second.  How do we get along so well??  Because we choose to.

We are eight years apart and grew up in seperate homes, so we're missing some baggage common in others sister pairs.  But we're also missing some of the great sister growing up memories and benefits, so we choose to have them now.

We choose to encourage each other and each other's children.  We choose to be honest -- respectfully.  We choose to honor each other's marriage and marriage partner, which luckily is not so tough because we both married great guys.

We carefully choose which conflicts to tackle and which to let go.  And when a topic must be covered because it is about character or safety, we choose our words carefully.  And to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

Each of us struggles to mother our children towards treating their siblings with respect, common in homes of any size or blend.  In this laboratory of sorts the theory holds true that leading by example is effective.  Without keeping track, I can assure you that sibling issues are better now after two months of blended chaos than they were in the honeymoon stage.  It could also be that having two mothers nearby with pointy fingers and sharp tongues doesn't hurt either. Though I'd like to think it's our example that is doing the heavy lifting of that gigantic task.

It's important to us that our kids get along, mostly because it is morally right, but also because sibling relationships are the longest ones we have.  Parents bring us into the world, but often leave us in our adult years.  Our spouses join after childhood.  Siblings are there for both our early and our late years.

It's much better to get through those years of departing parents and raising cousins if we enjoy and support each other.  Much better to chose nice.

Two months in

Our families have been living in the same house for a little over 2 months now.  We have celebrated 2 birthdays ( with 2 more coming up very soon), Christmas, New Years, and Valentines Day.  A. got his drivers licence. My girls have navigated sharing a room for the first time.  The boys have volleyed for shower time in the mornings, and found each other's  personal "boundaries". 

W. 's transition has been pretty seamless.  He loves school up here.  Grades are good (not great).  Friends are plentiful.  B. is doing well too.  It took her a little longer to find her comfort zone.  Homeschooling is great for her, although she misses having friends during the day.  She is getting out to Gymnastics, Art class, and church activities and starting to make some connections there.  Her behavioral issues seem to be much more controlled as well. I think with the combination of getting her meds figured out and having more adults available to give her the one on one interaction that she has always thrived on, we have a recipe for growth and stability for her.  H., well she is 3 and all of it.  She wants attention almost all the time, but wants to do things herself.  Throws a fit over every little thing.  She is attempting to stop sucking her thumb, we are encouraging her with praise and finger nail polish, and she is doing well (I think).

It is not all a rosy picture of bliss.  We have had our challenges.  Getting B. to sleep in her own bed, on a regular basis.  The mornings...who is going to take the boys to school and why the boys can't seem to get ready on time.  Computer/video restrictions for one family but not the other.  One family allowing a boy to go to a dance and the other not.  Who does what around the house and is everyone doing "enough". 

And of course there are those things that happen or something ends up in the wrong place...then when questioned "nobody did it" or knows who did, or nobody moved it or knows how it got there.  The sad truth is that somebody is lying.  Now, what would we as parents do to this naughty child if we found out they were the "culprit" of doing whatever should not have happened?  Well, depending on the offense, maybe take a day of computer time away, or say (gasp here) "don't do that anymore".  Seriously, are these things thaaat scary? No.  So why lie?  Shame and pride.  That is all I can come up with.  Both things God does not want for us.  But they are a good way for the enemy to keep us from a closer relationship with The One who loves, forgives, stretches and encourages us.

I have a confession to make.....

I am bi-sectional.  By that I mean that I am both a Midwesterner and Southerner.  I was born here in MI and lived here til I was seven.  Then we moved to the south.  I have been living and growing up in the south for almost 30 years.   However, I was living and growing up with MI born and bred parents.  In the south I was considered by most to be a Midwesterner..and here in MI I am now considered by most to be a Southerner.

 I have retained some of each. My Southern side includes...my love (actually addiction to) of "sweet tea",....my requirement of my children to use "yes mam, and no sir"...My sister tells me I have retained some of my southern accent...I still think bar-b-que is a kind of meat not a just a way of cooking....and...Y'all is a natural part of my vocabulary.  The Midwesterner in me peeks out in these ways...."pop" is always on the tip of my tongue when referring to a drink...when I was growing up I thought it was cruel for my friends parents to require my friends to call them sir and mam...I am a meat and potatoes girl, just the look of grits (and the sound of the word for that matter) makes my tummy turn.

Being bi-sectional qualifies me, I believe, for some unique insight and liberties.  One of which is that I feel I can do a little "mash-up", of sorts.  As I have recently returned to the Midwest I have had the pleasure of hearing and whole heartily enjoying the "Pure Michigan" advertisements.  And as any good Southerner, I have a great respect for Jeff Foxworthy and his "you might be a redneck, if" routines.  So here is a "Pure Michigan-Foxworthy" mash-up for you...

You might be a Michigander if....

-when you heard about the "storm of the century" you said "there is no way it is going to be that bad"  but in the back of your mind you were trying to remember where your generator is.

-stocking up means one more gallon of milk.

-you love the feeling of your hands warming up after you just scraped the snow off your car without your gloves on (again)

-you think hearing the crunch of the snow under your feet is a stress-reliever.

-you know someone that has a snow plow attachment for their pickup.

-you drive by at least one house everyday that still has their Christmas lights up

-you know someone that leaves their Christmas lights up all year long (they just don't turn them on)

-your kids play outside in the winter more than any other time of the year.

And of course the ever popular...you use your hand when explaining what part of the state you live in.


You might like to visit Michigan if...

-you like to....hunt, fish, ski (water and snow), snowboard, boat, beaches.

So if you are not already here, come for a visit...oh wait we are living at my sister's, maybe I should check with her first.  See,  I have the Southern Hospitality with the Midwestern sense of practicality. ;)